I spent the day doing my spring cleaning, yup, it’s that time of year again.
I have to say that missing my fall and Christmas cleans really makes the spring clean not only necessary but a sight damn harder than it aught to be.
I felt good today while scrubbing my kitchen from top to bottom and I realized that for some folks running and working out might be their therapeutic catalyst but I’d forgotten that for me it’s cleaning.
It used to be that when I got into a really bad mood I’d do one of those total clean jobs on the house, top to bottom, scrub the walls, floors and every little nook and cranny in between.
I don’t know when it happened but that ended.
Like so many of my and my families bad habits I think I can trace it back to when we moved in with the Queen.
That was a terrible time in my life and I know now that I was dealing with depression, but at the time I just thought that I was tired and worn out, all the time.
Cleaning to rid myself of angst went out the window because I was pissed all the time and also because I refused to allow the Queen to get me into a pissy mood just so her bathroom would get scrubbed clean, and I guess I just never got back into the habit.
Today felt very uplifting for me, all the stress, frustration, disappointment and anger that I’ve been feeling for so long now has made it so that I guard my emotions. It’s not just the stuff that’s been going on with Dev lately, which let me tell you has been keeping me in the grips of most of those emotions. It’s really the past few years, about a decade or so, that’s been making me hide my emotions, even happiness is held in check with me. I don’t get overly excited or overjoyed about stuff. It’s like I’m suffering from emotional constipation, and today was just the cathartic that I needed to purge all the crap that’s been building up and keeping my emotions at bay.
And my house is getting all sparkly and clean in the process.