It feels like this never ending cycle, I work, I clean the house, do laundry and deal with children related issues. Every day I wake up and those are the things on my plate. I’ve found that I’ve come to a crossroads in my life, behind me are years of dedicating myself to my children, of putting my needs aside and ensuring that they are looked after.
Now, as my children reach their teen years they no longer need their Mommy to hold their hands and be there for them every step of the way.
So what do I do with myself now? I find I need a hobby, one the preferably gets me the hell out of the house and gets me socializing again.
But what are my interests? I find that I no longer seem to know what it is that I enjoy doing. I like to knit but that doesn’t get me anywhere but into a chair in my house and clicking away with my knitting needles, alone yet again!
There’s camping, I really would like to take up camping, but I don’t have the gear and I don’t have the money to start collecting any right now. Besides, with LB I just can’t pack up and ditch the city life for a weekend when the mood strikes me. Something like that needs to be planned out and carefully executed.
I enjoy reading, but I don’t think I’d like to join a book club since most of the books I like don’t make it onto any book club lists.
I like to hang out with friends, but my friends are all at the stage in their lives where their children need them there to hold their hands and be with them 24/7, so that isn’t something easy to accomplish either.
I got the Hubby to pick up some tennis rackets and balls and I thought that it would be neat for the family to start playing tennis together, only the problem is that LB finds watching us whack balls back and forth to be a totally boring concept and fusses and cries through the entire thing which actually makes the game more stressful than enjoyable.
I’m tired of playing computer games, video games, watching movies and/or television shows. I’m tired of not having a life anymore.
I guess the problem is that after all this time I’m not really familiar with who I really am, and now that I’ve got some time to myself I can take a few moments and figure it out.