Lately Mal the Wonderpup has been in danger of having his name changed to Little Lord Flatulence because of the heinous smells that have been ekingout of his little furry butt.
It’s been horrible folks, words almost can’t even explain what the horror has been like for us having to live in the middle of these vomit inducing gas attacks.
We’ll be sitting there, minding our own business. We’ll be eating dinner, watching TV or just chatting and all of a sudden this noxious smell comes slowly crawling up to our innocent noses. Our membranes take a few seconds to send the message our brains, which reels and gags as the truth wafts slowly over them, the DOG FARTED!!
Anyone who has had to suffer through a plethora of silent but deadly doggy butt gas can attest to the fact that there aren’t many things on Earth that are more disgusting than the smell of a dog fart.
So of course I’ve decided to do some research on the subject and discover why it is that Wonderpup is in danger of becoming the The Dog Who Farts, while Skye the Hairbeast has managed to refrain from becoming the worlds most smelliest dog?
My investigations have uncovered a horrible plot and cover up here in Puppyland, a horrible little plan to pull the wool over Mom and Dad’s eyes and win the affections of Mal the Wonderpup to boot.
Yup, that’s right, the kids created this cesspool of dog farts in an attempt to win the heart of the Wonderpup and because they already own the heart and soul of the Hairbeast they haven’t been using their master scheme on her.
First thing to figure out, what causes gas in dogs? And after searching the Internet and digging into the mountain of puppy training and dog behavioural literature that I posses, the culprit that has been causing the gas attacks to eke out of my pup’s butt has been uncovered.
Dairy, the evil enemy of doggy digestive tracts everywhere.
It seems that Dot and EB, in an attempt to make Mal the Wonderpup love them more than anyone else in the house, have been sneaking him slices of cheese and treats of potato chips with slathering of sour cream and onion dip on them. They’ve spilt milk on the floor and allowed the Wonderpup to slurp them up, and the list can go on and on and on, but I won’t bore you with the mountainous amounts of foods that the kids have used to bribe the pup’s love for them, just trust me when I say that this has gotten out of control.
One or two of these items might not cause a problem but since the two of them are tagging up and serving each item at least once from each of them, most times though it’s multiple tastes for the pup, so suffice to say my pup’s digestive tract is not happy and therefore producing piles of gas to warn us all that one day Mal’s tummy may just explode if this situation continues.
Trust me, it’s not going to be continuing. Those kids will be told that no more treats will be given to the pup without Mom and Dad’s permission first, and it must be given in writing, in triplicate no less. There shall be permits issued and records kept so as to keep track of every morsel and tidbit that manages to grace that dog’s tongue, even if it is just for a few seconds before being swallowed basically whole.
No more Little Lord Flatulence in this family, unless you count the gases seeping out of my Husband or kids butts.